all I’m asking

as I sit in my room today, thinking about my life and how sharing a bedroom with a two year old isn’t always conducive to spending alone time with God. when I get a chance to finally sit still and listen and be quiet before God, i am reading the scripture in Hebrews chapter 13 where it says ‘for this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.’ (nlt)

one thing that i have been going through is just a sense of grief, feeling lost, and homesick. i am realizing that while our family has undergone some drastic changes in the past several months, moving from a 4 bedroom house to 2 bedrooms between the 5 of us, that the exact feeling i have right now that this is not my home… should be the same feeling I have about the world around me, i am learning the correlation between my cramped bedroom (which barely contains a bed, computer, crib, piles of clothes that need folding, a stack of books and cd’s in the corner, a cup of pencils sticking up every which way on the desk, a chair and tv)…. and my heart…. have i crowded my life and my heart with so many other things that there isn’t room for Jesus to move…. or move me? do my roots reach so deep that i would be permanently damaged if God decided to pluck me from here and plant me elsewhere? I have been asking myself these questions in the past several months, as i have struggled with the why’s and the when’s and the how’s, God has gently but firmly revealed this truth to me, that this world is not my home, but i have been called to live in it but for a time and how i choose to live (my attitude) determines my character.

this song by shaun groves (which also plays in the player on the sidebar) is a reminder that i must put myself aside daily, welcome the holy spirit to make himself at home in my heart, and change me until i am unrecognizable to even myself. this is my prayer.

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That’s all I’m asking, all I’m asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I’ve buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I’ve made
Inside of me, come decorate, Lord
Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain
Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

chorus
Come inside this
Heart of mine it’s
Not my own
Make it home
Come and take this
Heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning
Every closet’s filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I’m overwhelmed, I understand
I can’t make this place all that You can

Come inside this
Heart of mine it’s
Not my own
Make it home
Come and take this
Heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That’s all I’m asking, all I’m asking

Portland in black and white

We haven’t had too many adventures since it turned winter in Oregon. Mostly because of the rain, and also because Tim has been working so much. But, on the upside, he now has weekends off, which is a relief! So, this weekend, we stayed at my brother Joe’s house in Newberg, it is about an hour north of Monmouth. While we weren’t totally decided on what we were going to do, we knew that we wanted to go to Portland for the day, but with the rain, we didn’t want to be out wandering around trying to keep everyone dry. Amazingly enough, the weather report on Friday night showed that the temps in Portland were going to be over 50 for Saturday (the first time its been above 50 since October) and dry…. usually you don’t get blessed with both of those phenomena in one day at this time of year. On Saturday morning, we decided to drive to Hillsboro and pick up the MAX, which is Portland’s light rail train. We rode the train from Hillsboro into Portland, got off and had lunch, walked around the city for awhile and then got back on and rode the train to the airport, where they have a shopping mall, and an IKEA store. We didn’t know that the kids would love it as much as they did… we spent the whole day together, being silly, without really any plans, just riding the train, getting off where we wanted to get out and look around and getting back on. If you were to drive from Hillsboro to the airport, it would be about 33 miles, or, 45 minutes.

City photos are great in Black and white, there are so many textures and changes in lighting because of the big buildings, so, I decided to dispense with the color in this post, and go black and white. There are even some silly ones of Maddi eating her granola bar… and saying ‘cheese’. We had a great day together, and we didn’t hear any complaining about it being cold, or anyone saying that their legs hurt (until we were 6 stops from our car) All in all, it was an excellent day! We may go back next weekend to the Pioneer Courthouse Square and see the Ice Carving demonstration. See the Square online at http://www.pioneercourthousesquare.org/ And if you ever visit Portland, ride the train…. you certainly see some interesting sights….some of the best parts of Portland.